I need everyone in my life way more than they need me.
I just feel like all the crumpled up cigarette filters that are piling up in the storm drains.
I get to experience the feel of a million beautiful lips but in the end it doesn't matter.
I wind up tossed away to rot on the side of a road collecting the dirt from everyone's abused footwear.
I'm not okay.
I'm not fine with any of the things going on in my life but I don't have the courage to change it.

Helpless

I feel like I'm just remembering a place I've never been.
Everything is wonderful and painful.
It's like the rush of adrenaline that pulls at your seams after you've torn holes in your paper heart.
Nothing here makes any sense.
There is an odd feeling of nostalgia accompanying the excitement of experiencing something new.
But none of this is new and the memories of it don't bring comfort but searing agony.
My head is confusing sadness for love and exhaustion as happy.
Up is across and down is diagonal and side ways is parallel.
All of my angles have rearranged and my head hurts trying to figure out how any of this could be possible.
How did it get like this?
When did my life crumble to metallic dust and why did I never notice it before?
I get so lonely and my head feels too big but entirely too minuscule.
It all hurts so much and I don't know how to think or feel or who the fuck I am anymore.
I feel so tired.
I don't know what to do and I fear that I'm getting too close to the edge of my world.
Too close to nothing and it's going to swallow me alive.
It's all so terrifying but relieving and I don't know how that is.
I am so lonely.