Normal

I'm normal.
Apparently it's normal to wish for death.
To basically drop out of school due to a random onset of twitches.
It's normal to want to rip your skin off.
I'm going to.
I can't wait.
It's been so long since I've picked up my razor blade.
Beginning of December at school was the last time.
And I lost my favorite fucking blade.
Oh well I have another one.
And I'll acquire more when I go to mom's house.
I get this tingling feeling in my stomach when I think about seeing my own blood leak out onto the floor.
And I've got a new little secret helper.
Aleve.
It's a blood thinner.
Meaning?
I bleed a fuck ton more.
Without having to do anything.
And I'm smoking again.
Stole a pack from Mom.
I couldn't wait.
So I took one pack and so far since I've been home I've only smoked three.
Proud?
God I'm such a fuck up.
Sorry I've been gone for so long.
Sorry I can't even apologize properly.
I'm such a fuck up.
I've been maintaining.
Up until today that is.
I had lost 5 pounds.
I ate today way more than I should have but I ate out with Dad so as to avoid a fight and that was this morning.
Haven't eaten since.
Maybe I'll attack the elliptical while I listen to Sleeping With Sirens and Say Anything tonight.
There is something really fucking wrong with me.
I don't care anymore.
Who the fuck cares?
I'm throwing it out the fucking window.
All the fucks I used to give are gone so sorry.
I'm done.
There is no more trying to be better for other people's sake.
I am wagging a war with myself because I need to.
There is this manic fight going on in my head right now.
All I hear and see are pictures of blood.
Cuts.
Faceless nameless people bleeding all over the floor.
It makes my breath stick in my throat.
I'm a fucking psycho.
<3 p="" stay="" strong="">CHEERS