Don't worry be happy

My life is measured in milligrams.
I have two stashes of pills now.
The stash for suicide and the stash for getting high.
For the passed month I've been abusing my Dad's oxy.
Lately I've started taking more and more of it.
This should probably be worrisome but honestly?
I just like the way it makes me feel.
Everything takes on a warm glow and I get this prickly sensation that sits behind my skin.
It's lovely really.
There's something wonderful about narcotics really.
I think it's the way that depending on how they're ingested they can slow everything down or put your mind into overdrive.
Realistically I know that I need to stop taking these because I get addicted to things in .3 seconds.
But it's nice when I don't have to care about anything and I feel comfortable in my body.
Oxy does that for me.
I could count on one hand the number of things I've eaten in the passed two days and I don't even feel hungry.
At the same time I could have eaten the contents of my fridge and it wouldn't matter because I don't have to care.
Flashbacks?
Take an oxy.
Stressed about future?
Have two more.
I've never had a self destructive habit that actually made me feel good before.
Not in the same way this does.
Currently I can feel the last pill I took kicking and it's such a pretty feeling.