Scared

I don't even need to binge to purge anymore.
I wasn't going to eat today but Dad forced me to get something at Panera after I met my tutor.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to meet them there.
I didn't even eat that much.
I had a piece of bread(80)
A salad(160)
A caramel latte(210)
And 1/2 a toffee and caramel cookie(75)
525.
Definitely not a binge.
No where NEAR it.
I purged.
I got almost everything up.
Actually.
I got everything except like a bite of the bread up.
And a few pieces of lettuce because apparently it's really hard to purge salad.
But not cake.
I have the talent of purging cake(last night not today).
My metabolism is catching back up again.
I can feel it.
I feel emptier.
Better.
Last time I weighed myself I was 138.
That number better decrease.
I'm going to weigh myself at Moms when I get there.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
I'm fucking terrified.
This isn't a pleasure visit and I can tell.
There's something going on.
Mom and Dad have found something out; what I don't know but I'm going to Moms.
I think they want me to go to residential.
Actually I'm pretty damn sure they want me in residential.
I'll kill myself as soon as I get out if they force me in.
There's no fucking way.
<3 stay strong
CHEERS