Saturday, August 20, 2011

60 calories

So far and I require a cigarette more than my left arm.
No one will leave long enough for me to get a good few drags.
I'm so tired and there is four days left for me to finish these projects not to mention my summer reading.
I have no clue how I'm supposed to finish all of this.
I just wanna go to sleep and stay asleep for the next four days and wake up with everything completed.
I haven't even started and am no where near starting my hanging sculpture.
My still life is taking so fucking long it's ridiculous.
I still can't figure out how to use melted crayons as paint without it drying too fast and clumpy.
It dries the consistency of dried shit.
I want to bang my head into a wall.
I keep thinking maybe if I slit my wrists or down enough pills to land me in the hospital and claim mental break down if the bitch will give me more time.
Probably not.
Recently I've been thinking about suicide via blowing a hole in my head.
I like it.
It's dramatic and messy.
Brains all over the carpet how ever will Daddy wash it out?
Anyways just wanted to let you all know I'm alive(for now) and I love you all
<3 p="" stay="" strong="">CHEERS

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Me :D

I don't want to be alive anymore.
I just don't.
It hit me.
I was with my friend Amber tonight and she's exactly how I used to be except a whole hell of a lot thinner(106lbs).
But we were talking and I realized.
I'm not only sick of being me.
I just don't want to do it anymore.
I'm happiest when I fucking miserable.
I will complain.
I will cry.
I will hate myself.
It's the only way I've known.
So I'll be happy being that way.
And I'll get thinner.
And be without the person I love.
I'll wither away to nothingness because I am a fucked up pathetic piece of shitty cliche
<3Stay strong