Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I just wish

I could die.
I can't stand looking at the lives of people who left.
I can't stand thinking about all the mistakes I've made and everything I've failed to do.
I can't stand thinking about how fucked up I am.
While people are out going to school and living I'm sitting in my room at 7:05 am having not slept yet.
I'm sitting here talking to my newest hallucination.
I'm sitting here thinking about the fifty three pills I have stashed in my closet.
I'm thinking about my last failed suicide attempt.
I'm thinking about my razor under my pillow.
I'm thinking about slicing open my arteries.
Do you know how many are in your face?
A good ten at least.
Not veins.
I wonder if I can score heroin here.
It's not exactly the drug hot spot but people get marijuana and I've seen a few crack addicts.
Maybe I could score heroin but not sure who I could get it from.
I am such a sick fuck.
I used to be afraid of needles.
After thirteen IVs I don't think so anymore.
Has it been more?
I want to just fuck everything up.
I feel worthless.
I can't take this shit.
Fucking kill me