Saturday, March 3, 2012


I don't even feel hungry anymore.
I get this slight feeling like my mouth is dry and my stomach is intensely empty but that's it.
Its weird.
I haven't had this feeling.
I didn't eat yesterday.
Or the day before that.
If I did it was a bite of a yogurt before I gave it to Honey so I could swallow my pills.
Last time I ate was March 1st.
I don't even think about it.
I feel so strange.
I don't have the energy to get up and move.
I just don't want to be awake.
I refuse to shower even though I know I smell.
I sleep constantly.
I slept 20 hours.
It's ridiculous.
I've been peeling whole chunks of skin from my lips and I don't think that's normal.
Then again nothing about me and what's going on with my fucked up body is normal.
I mean I have violent fucking twitches for fucks sake.
Not normal at all.
I feel like you all need a change my blog is getting old. I'm going to attack it tonight.
I was going to pass out with Lukas but I have been listening to Fun and think my iPod at the bottom needs a change and so does the rest of my blog.
<3 p="" stay="" strong="">CHEERS

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I feel dead

But for some reason I'm not happy.
I can't see it.
I want drugs.
I want cocaine.
Or meth.
It's cheaper and effects your weight more.
Has anyone noticed this has nothing to do with my appearance anymore?
I don't give a fuck what I look like.
I just want to die.
That's how fucking desperate I am.
I hope this eats me alive.
I'm going to shower.
Cut the fuck out of my arms.
Smoke a cigarette.
And then burn myself.
There goes a month burn free.
Do I give a fuck?
I really don't.
Am I getting better Mr. Therapist at Php?
No I'm not.
Are you wasting your time?
Yes. All of you are.
This is a chemical imbalance mother so I'm not going to take the stupid fucking test you sent me.
This is me.
Wanting to die.
Ripping my skin open.
Starving myself.
Taking pills because that's what I do.
That's how I cope.
Sorry you have such a fuck up for a daughter.
But maybe one of these days you just have to open your fucking eyes and except that you have a suicidal piece of shit as a daughter.
Sorry to disappoint.
<3 stay strong
Alone in the house with Sam. Lovely. This will be a fun day. Yay flashbacks.