I know better.
I should never let it have happen.
Now I'm going to suffer for it.
There isn't anything worse than hope and don't you let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
Hoping for something better than you have; something more.
The strength to grind your demons into sparkly dust or maybe just enough courage to get through the day.
Well eventually the days get longer and the hours stretch into the wastelands you will perish in.
Your flesh is going to slough off your bones and the very essence of your being will be reduced to petrified goop.
I'd take nothing over this.
Apathy is beyond blissful after you've experienced the agony of your own mental atrophy.
Pitiful though isn't it?
To have actually gone so far only to slit your throat at the finish line; the fear of failing so overbearing that it crushes your very last hope of getting there.
Of getting better.
I was hoping I could recover even if it was half-hearted and for the sake of others.
It was an idiotic feat and I was foolish for ever believing it would work.
I have only succeeded in sabotaging my every attempt to feel even remotely okay.
Enough.
I am done and to be quite honest I don't think I can do it anymore.