Monday, January 7, 2013

Helpless

I feel like I'm just remembering a place I've never been.
Everything is wonderful and painful.
It's like the rush of adrenaline that pulls at your seams after you've torn holes in your paper heart.
Nothing here makes any sense.
There is an odd feeling of nostalgia accompanying the excitement of experiencing something new.
But none of this is new and the memories of it don't bring comfort but searing agony.
My head is confusing sadness for love and exhaustion as happy.
Up is across and down is diagonal and side ways is parallel.
All of my angles have rearranged and my head hurts trying to figure out how any of this could be possible.
How did it get like this?
When did my life crumble to metallic dust and why did I never notice it before?
I get so lonely and my head feels too big but entirely too minuscule.
It all hurts so much and I don't know how to think or feel or who the fuck I am anymore.
I feel so tired.
I don't know what to do and I fear that I'm getting too close to the edge of my world.
Too close to nothing and it's going to swallow me alive.
It's all so terrifying but relieving and I don't know how that is.
I am so lonely.

2 comments:

  1. This was beautifully written but so very sad
    I can relate though
    I crumbling too
    Falling apart at the seams
    I feel to far gone

    But I have a sliver of hope
    That things will get better
    That we will recover
    That the light at the end of this tunnel is not an illusion

    I urge you to hang on
    Even if it's by your fingertips
    Stay strong
    Believe
    Trust
    Try

    Sending you well wishes and positive vibes x

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  2. I know how you feel, love. I feel the same way sometimes. Life just gets too mixed up, everything spins, and you sit there and wonder how you got there. If that's where you wanted to be. If you can continue. If you can even take the next breath. Who will cry if you don't?
    But then there are also good moments. There will always be good times.
    And you're not lonely. We're here with you <3
    xoxo
    Kiwi

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