Love of mine some day you will die

I was outside smoking a cigarette and I thought that maybe death isn't such a scary thing.
The wind is really bad tonight and the trees looked like they could topple over at any second.
Storms never usually scare me but if any of them would this one would be it.
I kept thinking that it should scare me but for once I wasn't scared.
My whole life revolves around my fears.
I can't even go to school because I'm so terrified of people.
I can never be truly intimate with someone I love because I'm afraid of being hurt.
I hurt myself because I'm afraid I'll hurt others.
My future is looming over my head like a sword and it petrifies me.
Recovery is impossible for me because I'm afraid of not being sick.
I can't even feel my own heart beating because I'm so scared of being alive.
Death has always been a frightening concept for me.
Anything that is inevitable and unknown sends me into a panic.
I'm so terrified of everything happening around me that I shut myself into different books or movies and pretend that I don't really exist.
But for this one moment when the world looked like it was falling down around me and I should be crippled with fear I wasn't.
Dying isn't scary anymore.