In case you were wondering

I'm alive.
150 pills.
I only got to take 45 because I sorta blacked out.
I was talking to this kid named Lukas from tumblr.
He saved me.
If it weren't for him my heart would have slowed down so much it would have stopped.
Yay.
I was in the psych ward for nine days.
Fun times.
Not really.
Same place as last time.
I fucking hate that place.
I feel like I'm going to end up in another psych ward somewhere.
I don't think I'm getting better at all.
I want to cut.
I ate a shit ton of food tonight.
I lost a lot of weight over the passed few weeks.
Went back from 162.3(FUCKING FAT ASS) to 147.3lbs.
I went back up a little in the hospital. 148lbs.
I'm sure I ballooned now.
I'm going to stop eating again.
Apple sauce and green tea for me.
I hate food.
I'm not eating it.
I have this whole box of Ghirardelli's chocolates my favorites. Fuck it.
I'm throwing them out ad giving my brother some.
I don't need that fattening shit.
I'm on Zoloft.
YAY.
Lets go kill ourselves and blame it on the meds huh?
God I love that.
I'm so fucking tired. I think I'll sleep for five days.
Gotta tell Lukas <3 he's my bestie.
Fuck everyone else.
Old friends and new friends.
Fuck them.
All of them.
I don't need them.
I miss Kelsey.
She texted me.
I wanted to ask if she reads this.
Hey Kelse don't be shy talk to me.
Fuck I'm done.
Bullet is on.
I want a gun.
Maybe if I acquire one I can stop taking these fucking pills and actually kill myself.
Wouldn't that be just lovely?
<3 stay strong
CHEERS