Silence

I hate quiet.
With the absence of talking or music everything is louder; the noise of my fan seems to fill the room until I can't breathe.
It hurts.
Physical pain is brought upon by complete silence I'm sure of it.
Silence is one of the worlds worst tortures; endured only by those who commit the worst of crimes.
You are in your own head and I know that place isn't comfortable right now.
I know that when you get quiet; when you stop voicing things to me even small little things, that something has gone wrong.
Very wrong.
But how can I fix it?
How can I pull you out of your head and hold your hand the way I want to?
How can I make you feel needed and loved?
I know you feel incredibly small; insignificant, but I do not know how to make you feel like you are important.
Rather, I do not know how to show you how important you are.
When my life dangles on a thread you are the one that pulls me back onto solid ground.
Your smiles are my anchor when I'm lost in my sea of despair.
How can I show you what you do for me?
It hurts to sit on the sidelines.
To watch you struggle with your thoughts.
I know that feeling.
When you are WRONG.
PATHETIC.
WORTHLESS.
FEEBLE.
DISGUSTING.
UGLY.
When you see yourself as the soul reason the people around you are suffering it's not exactly easy to believe anything positive about yourself.
And why should you?
Because I say I need you?
But what of everyone else and what if I decide I don't care about you anymore?
I know that.
Those questions you can't answer.
Those hateful words that circle your head.
The ones that rarely ever ring true.
So as I struggle to get my thoughts out; tell you I love you in not so many words, the silence takes over.
It steals my voice and suffocated my thoughts.
We both sit here in our misery struggle for words or thoughts anything to make us feel as if we mean something to the person on the other side.
But we come up empty handed.
Because you cannot see how perfect you are and I see none of myself.
I just wish I could hold your hand; make you feel not so alone in your pain.
You really aren't alone.