I scare more easily these days.
It makes me feel unsure of myself and my feelings.
One moment I'll feel wonderful through-the-roof-great and then I think that maybe I'm too happy and find myself plummeting straight into a panic attack.
I binged and purged last night and it felt bizarre.
Like maybe it wasn't happening to me but someone else.
It's weird now that I have started to equate food with calm or numbness.
Food has always been closely associated with my emotions but lately things have lost their taste and shape.
I just feel the temperature and the solidness; no texture.
Been talking to some old faces.
Distant far-away friends of a few or so years ago and each voice leaves an unsavory lump in my throat.
They knew someone else from a time that doesn't really exist to me anymore.
Maybe its so hard because I hate to face what I did to them; how I treated them.
Or maybe it has to do with who I am now and facing how fucked up everything got.
My memory is in tatters.
I feel like every minute that passes is another snapshot gone- just another voice I can't attach to a pair of lips.
Everything feels so disconnected, or maybe that's just me?
I can't seem to fit myself into any picture not even the ones of my face.
Is it just that I see the change?
That the shift in personality, behaviour, thought, and feeling is so evident so prominent in the glassy brown eyes that I can't identify with my reflection?
Or is it that I never really did in the first place?
I have so many questions and none of them has or will have any type of answer.
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