confused

I need to lose weight and it's pretty much all I can think about.
Relapsed last night.
Everything was fine and I was binging all the time but I tried hard not to care??
Last night I had eaten a lot and then Dad came home with ice cream and I ate it.
I didn't even know I was going to purge until I was standing in my bathroom removing my ring.
I hadn't even purged in over a month?
And now all I want to do is go back to how things where in January when I was snorting oxy everyday and sleeping and not eating.
I don't even know how to tell my boyfriend about this.