Wednesday, May 9, 2012

I have news

First.
I lost 2.8lbs.
Making me 136lbs on the dot.
It sucks because I've been teeter tottering between 134 and 138 for the past month.
I want to get down to the 110's this month.
120's by the end of next week and the 110's by the end of the month.
If I keep up with my 'diet'
I should be okay.
I'm not allowing binges.
I can purge.
I have a NEED to purge.
So I can binge on my safe foods.
But for the rest of this month binges are out of the question.
Today I'm 'fasting'.
Basically the only thing I have is green tea with honey.
I allow extras like apple sauce if I get to pass out mode but I should be fine.
My stomach is tight and it hurts because I'm so fucking hungry.
I missed this feeling.
I am hoping by the end of this month I get that feeling of my calves cramping up in the middle of the night because that means they are eating away at themselves.

More.
Lukas.
The mushy stuff a lot of you probably don't care about.
He apparently likes me back.
Life is horrible but certain things are actually working out for me.
Like weight loss.
Fuck yes for weight loss.
And Lukas.
I wouldn't be here without him.
I love him too much.
Okay done being sappy.
<3 stay strong and be good to yourselves today
CHEERS

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad that you are looking positive lately. Way to go on the weight loss and the boy =)
    XOXO

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  2. You seem happy right now :) I'm glad things are a bit better. I'm having a meltdown, so here I am, I wanted to make sure that you were okay. I wanted to make sure everyone in this little world was okay. I'm glad you are. It brings me comfort to know. P.S I love the playlist on your blog...so amazing :) You are lovely, never forget that.

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