129.6lbs

I hurt.
Everything is just really painful today.
Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I feel that heavy feeling in my chest.
I'm thinner.
Getting thinner by the minute and everything is still wrong.
It'll always be wrong.
I try so hard to no avail.
The people I fall in love with love someone else.
The things I strive for are out of my reach.
Everyone is oblivious to the fact that I can't seem to keep on going.
Nothing is getting solved and everything is worse than it was.
I feel these horrible aches in my chest that are either entirely in my head or there is something wrong with this ticking heart of mine.
Either way I'm getting worse.
I stand up and the room goes black for a moment while I clutch to the back of my head board with shaky fingers.
My face is taught.
Empty and ghostly pale; I feel more dead than ever.
What happened to the promise of recovery?
What happened to my endless tomorrows and the invincible youthfulness I once possessed?
I look in the mirror and for a split second see the monster I have become.
I see her.
I see her bones start to poke out.
But it isn't right.
I wasn't this thin before was I?
It's off wrong.
This reflection is a dead girl.
Her eyes hold no meaning, no life.
Her skin is graying and she is tired.
She is oh so tired.
She will allow herself to eat but not without a few tears split into her applesauce.
Should I purge it?
Should I get rid of it?
Her head pounds.
She is confused.
She will decide to keep it, her stomach clinging to it for dear life.
And crawl back into her dark hole of a bedroom.
Faint memories of plans that she had made earlier in the summer will flash in her mind.
She will wave it off and drift into restless sleep.
Never quite shaking the feeling of deep clawing exhaustion.