Desperation

I just purged vitamin water and macaroni and cheese chunks in the back yard.
I seriously spent five minutes out there and I got out only half of what I ate.
In about three more minutes I'm gonna go back out pretending I have a phone call.
This is what my life has become and it's sad.
I almost fell over into my own vomit pile.
I don't even have anything witty or sarcastic to say this is just how shit everything is now.
My fingers smell like bile.
My throat is sore but my mind keeps saying not sore enough.
The little voices in my head keep telling me to purge until I can't stand.
It was the equivalent to a small bowl(I filled a huge bowl so I could eat the whole pot but only got done about 1/3 of it).
My hands are shaking so bad right now it's hard to type.