My life no longer resembles what it once was.
I do not resemble the person I once called me.
The world keeps spinning and I cannot seem to keep pace with the things happening around me.
Lives of people I used to know are moving forward; as I sit in my bed and watch them go.
People who used to hold my hand and walk with me have noticed that I have become immobile.
No one wants to be dragged down by a recollection.
I refuse to stop them as they wave their halfhearted farewells.
I find myself looking back farther wondering where it all went.
The time has come and gone and left me behind.
The people in my memory no longer exist.
They have grown and changed; Rachael is just someone they used to know.
Someone they don't care to know now.
That is the past and their minds look toward the future while mine dwells in thoughts of yesterday.
What could have been; who I could have been, the ideas of possibilities that long ago stopped being possible.
They plague my thoughts and hold my mind captive.
Who are you now?
Do you live your life the way you had hoped, or do those hopes differ now?
What is it like to wake up every day and face the world with your eyes?
Is it enjoyable; more so than it was when I was in it?
Your world, has it altered so much that I wouldn't recognize it; that I'd no longer have a place in it?
Have your dreams come true or have you left them in favor for new ones?
Who are the people that hold your heart; the ones you hold dear?
Who are those that occupy your thoughts?
Are they pleasant; your thoughts?
Have the anchors that damned your heart; made it too heavy to carry, have they released you finally?
Has your suffering been vanquished or is their a lingering ache in your chest?
I refuse to stop them as they wave their halfhearted farewells.
I find myself looking back farther wondering where it all went.
The time has come and gone and left me behind.
The people in my memory no longer exist.
They have grown and changed; Rachael is just someone they used to know.
Someone they don't care to know now.
That is the past and their minds look toward the future while mine dwells in thoughts of yesterday.
What could have been; who I could have been, the ideas of possibilities that long ago stopped being possible.
They plague my thoughts and hold my mind captive.
Who are you now?
Do you live your life the way you had hoped, or do those hopes differ now?
What is it like to wake up every day and face the world with your eyes?
Is it enjoyable; more so than it was when I was in it?
Your world, has it altered so much that I wouldn't recognize it; that I'd no longer have a place in it?
Have your dreams come true or have you left them in favor for new ones?
Who are the people that hold your heart; the ones you hold dear?
Who are those that occupy your thoughts?
Are they pleasant; your thoughts?
Have the anchors that damned your heart; made it too heavy to carry, have they released you finally?
Has your suffering been vanquished or is their a lingering ache in your chest?
Has your life been deemed worth while; or do you still search for death's hand to comfort you?
Are you satisfied with the person you've become or have you yet to discover the feeling of being whole?
Who are you now that me and my life's happenings do not effect yours?
What kind of person have you become?
Something in me wants the answers you could provide.
But another part of me wants to let the sleeping dog lie.
Why bring up unsettling feelings for both parties by inquiring what I might not want to know?
Why drag you back to the time I miss most; if in fact, you no longer feel that they were your best days?
Who am I to bring about painful memories you vowed to forget long ago?
Who am I to ask these things of you?
Who am I to ask you to share the things in your life?
I being the one who supposedly stopped caring long ago.
But,,
I think that's the main issue for me.
I never stopped caring.
Do you know that or are these thoughts only disturbing my slumber?
Whether you sleep peacefully or not,
I decided to let the past remain.
Maybe I will miss the opportunity to hold the place at your side again; but it's something I'm willing to give up if it means potential happiness for you.
I will always wonder.
But I will not shed tears for the memories I cherish.
I will not disrupt your peace in favor of my own gross curiosity.
I will dwell only in my own mind.
It may hurt me.
But I hope maybe; just maybe, you are able to smile now.
Are you satisfied with the person you've become or have you yet to discover the feeling of being whole?
Who are you now that me and my life's happenings do not effect yours?
What kind of person have you become?
Something in me wants the answers you could provide.
But another part of me wants to let the sleeping dog lie.
Why bring up unsettling feelings for both parties by inquiring what I might not want to know?
Why drag you back to the time I miss most; if in fact, you no longer feel that they were your best days?
Who am I to bring about painful memories you vowed to forget long ago?
Who am I to ask these things of you?
Who am I to ask you to share the things in your life?
I being the one who supposedly stopped caring long ago.
But,,
I think that's the main issue for me.
I never stopped caring.
Do you know that or are these thoughts only disturbing my slumber?
Whether you sleep peacefully or not,
I decided to let the past remain.
Maybe I will miss the opportunity to hold the place at your side again; but it's something I'm willing to give up if it means potential happiness for you.
I will always wonder.
But I will not shed tears for the memories I cherish.
I will not disrupt your peace in favor of my own gross curiosity.
I will dwell only in my own mind.
It may hurt me.
But I hope maybe; just maybe, you are able to smile now.
sweety, you don't have to hurt yourself in order to keep the pain away from others. sometimes you need to be selfish. this is YOUR life.
ReplyDeletexoxo
kiwi