My mom always tells me to write things down when I'm upset.
I always tell her I will.
I don't have the heart to tell her writing makes it worse.
Talking makes it worse.
I blog about my feelings and my fucked up thoughts all the time but it never does my mental state any good.
I never feel better about myself.
If anything I hate myself more.
It used to be only physical; I only hated the person in the mirror.
Now I hate myself as a person too.
"If you don't like it; change it"
I tried.
I have tried and tried to change the things I do so maybe I can be okay with myself but I can't.
I try to change my appearance and my style and my art and my personality.
I have tried to be a better daughter/friend/sister/cousin/girlfriend and I just hate myself more.
I don't even have any pretty poetic bullshit for today because I'm just so fucking tired.
I fail at school and relationships and art and being recovered and being mentally ill.
I fail at everything I try to do or become.
I am just so sick of trying.
I am so tired and I don't think I can make myself do it anymore.
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