Appreciation post

I am really unsupportive and bad when it comes to putting other people first.
Last night I said some really awful things to Lukas while I was high.
It's been about nine hours now since I've heard from him and I really hope his phone is off or he's just sleeping.
With that in mind though I thought I talk about all the people I take for granted but I really wouldn't be alive without.
Lukas is obviously one of them considering he was the one that made the call to the police that saved my life during my last overdose.
But it's more than that.
Everyday that I wake up and feel awful about myself; every time I think about suicide, Lukas is always there.
He calms me down and let's me know how much he loves me.
There hasn't been a day since we first met that he hasn't saved my life.
I love him more than anything in the whole world and I don't tell him enough but I really do appreciate his existence.
If anything were to happen to him I don't know how I'd keep living.
He's my moon and my stars and every cigarette I taste.
I'm going to try to work on being more supportive and listening to him.
I need to treat him better.
Also on the list of people I don't treat well enough: Samantha.
Sixteen years of friendship and I still haven't figured out how to be a good friend.
Or even a decent friend really.
She's been there though despite my complete selfishness she has been there through every bump and every scrapped knee.
I have never had someone stay in my life that wasn't blood related as long as Samantha has.
And even then a good portion of my family takes leaves of absence.
She's so precious to me and I don't tell her how wonderful she is nearly enough.
These two people have treated me better than anyone who has ever come into my life.
No significant other or friend has loved me so unconditionally as these two brilliant under appreciated human beings.
So I really just wanted to say thank you; even if neither of them reads this.
You are both so important to me and everything I have ever done in my life is thanks to one or both of you.
I love you both dearly and I hope I don't have to say goodbye to you for as long as I live.

Edit: I feel a little love and appreciation needs to go Katie Elizabeth's way as well.
Thank you for being there for me despite having mountains of your own problems to deal with.
You take time out of your day to write me a comment and read my posts and I want you to know I am so so grateful.
I do not deserve your kindness but still you give it and you don't ask me anything in return.
I'm so proud of you for trying to get better and taking care of yourself.
Your little boys are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother.
I hope you get to stay with them for a very long time.
And to anyone else who comments and reads my blog regularly I hope you experience nothing but happiness in your life.
I hope you can all overcome your suffering and create wonderful lives for yourselves.
I love you and I appreciate you.