Take the pain ignite it

I'm going to Mom's house on the 4th of December.
Which means that the appointments Dad has to make today for my therapist are probably going to be for January.
For about five seconds I was distressed but then I realized that this would be the perfect opportunity to get 'sick enough'.
I have the rest of this month plus December and at least a week in January.
I've already lost two pounds since I started two days ago.
For me to fit the criteria of anything other than EDNOS I have to be underweight.
In order for me to be underweight I have to lose at least 36.5lbs.
Which considering the fact that I can drop 20lbs in three weeks isn't actually that difficult.
I'm tired of suffering and having no one see it.
This has been eight almost nine years of complete hell but not a single person has seen how much I struggle.
Its the worst feeling in the world when you tell someone you're in agonizing pain and they tell you you're lying.
By saying I don't look like I have an eating disorder or I'm too fat to have an eating disorder they're telling me they don't recognize my pain.
I know I've said it before but can you imagine being stuck in a body you detest and starving it to no avail for eight years only to be told that you don't meet the criteria for your diagnosis?
Excruciating would be an understatement really.
When people don't acknowledge your pain you lose all sense of justification.
You forget that you have meaning and purpose and worth and you become the moldy wall paper peeling off rotted walls.
No one looks at you.
No one sees you.
I'm going to force them to see me this time.
I refuse to be invisible any longer.