Future?

I've been debating on whether or not I should start snorting my oxy.
The 700mgs I was taking isn't doing anything and snorting is supposed to have better results.
It's better than taking a higher dosage but I'm a little worried.
I keep telling myself this isn't as bad if I'm just taking these pills orally.
So to snort them kinda makes it obvious that this is more serious than I originally thought.
Things have gotten more stressful lately and I could really use a good high right now.
I am in the process of officially registering for college.
Please don't congratulate me because it's terrifying.
It's just community college right now but for some reason I can't deal with any of it.
I don't even start until January and I'm already too anxious to handle it.
Making phone calls is upsetting okay how am I supposed to deal with lecture halls and studio spaces full of students?
My major is like a general art major.
Basically I am getting core classes out of the way and also beefing up my portfolio as well as getting any recommendations I'm going to need for Cleveland Institute of Art.
For now I've decided that until I can prove that I can handle college 15 minutes away that I'm going to stick with the closest major art school.
CIA is thirty minutes away and unless I can safely attend my classes without a repeat of every year of high school I attended then there isn't even a possibility of me going away.
I just can't stand not doing anything anymore.
Everyone I knew is now moving on with their lives.
Getting jobs and attending college and I'm just sitting in my room.
Blogging about how I hate my life but doing nothing to change it.
So I'm trying.
Or well pretending to try.
Going through the motions at least.
I need to get going on something okay even if I don't graduate from college even if I can only attend a few years at an art school it's something.
Important years of my life are falling through my finger tips like ashes.
I've wasted so much time already doing nothing.
I'm forcing myself to finally do something and this will probably result in a bad ending but at least I have my oxy to help me through the day for now.