Giving up

Lately I've been finding triggers in everything.
Nothing that anyone says or does makes me feel better.
My arms are looking more and more like ugly blank canvases mocking me for not having the courage to carve them into art.
Everything feels that way to me now.
I cannot stand these faded scars.
Looking at them only makes me want to peel the flesh from my bones.
This is just another way for me to escape my responsibilities.
All of this has always been my cowardly way of saying I'm sorry.
But it just isn't good enough anymore.
None of this will ever be good enough.
I'm done trying.
The energy it would take to even attempt the things that I thought I wanted in life is far greater than I could wish to have.
Since the moment this all occurred to me I've felt like I'm just biding my time.
Breathing but counting every breath until the last wheeze falls from my lips.
This might not make any sense to you.
I guess I should have just said I'm feeling slightly suicidal.
But that wouldn't really cover it.